Yesterday Carolyn and I marked the 25 year moment in our marriage
Even as I write this it is very hard for me to get a handle on this length of time
25 years
In a way it seems so long ago
In other ways, it's like yesterday as I see Carolyn walking down the aisle towards me
We invited a small group of friends over to not only celebrate, but also share some new promises we desired to give each other
As I thought and prayed about these promises to make to her-before God and our friends-I couldn't help but think about the role of trust in our 25 years together
Trust has been an important (if not the key) ingredient in our lives
A glimpse would include
Early on in our marriage I had a very difficult time saying I was sorry for anything. I remember the first time telling her how sorry I was for basically just being a jerk and having her forgive me and saying she loved and accepted me anyway
Her unconditional acceptance of me regardless of...whatever...set in motion a sense of trust that I could share whatever and it would be okay for us
I trust her now more than ever
She has told me I have her trust as well
When I honestly listen
By not trying to fix everything in our lives
By seeking her best-often at my own expense
By just holding her and saying nothing (sometimes for a long time!)
By apologizing even when I was partly right-taking the lead in starting the conversation
By doing dishes and folding laundry which speaks to her love language
By providing for her and the children financially
These experiences in life formed the new promises we made to each other for the rest of our marriage last night
It was a beautiful night with the love of my life
I trust her totally
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Trust and self submission
Feel like this simple truth has come back to me time and again the past couple years
Am I really willing to submit my will to God's?
It might even be phrased, am I really willing to trust Him?
This thought comes to me often
when i wake up
when i am getting ready to sit in my seat at church
when i am getting ready to speak my mind to a friend, my wife or children
when a late night call comes
I am beginning to see that maybe this is the question of my life as I follow Jesus
Am I willing to submit my will to His at this moment-whatever moment that may be?
Am I really willing to submit my will to God's?
It might even be phrased, am I really willing to trust Him?
This thought comes to me often
when i wake up
when i am getting ready to sit in my seat at church
when i am getting ready to speak my mind to a friend, my wife or children
when a late night call comes
I am beginning to see that maybe this is the question of my life as I follow Jesus
Am I willing to submit my will to His at this moment-whatever moment that may be?
Friday, May 8, 2009
No agenda love
Last night Carolyn and I went to see "the Soloist" a new movie out starring Robert Downey Jr and Jamie Foxx
It's the kind of movie where a spot had been touched deep inside me (similar to Rain on Me, starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle)
See, Downey wants to help Foxx-by changing him. He thinks he will be doing something important (only) if Foxx gets help and his life comes back to "normal", whatever that might mean
He finally concludes that the only thing Foxx really needs is a friend who will be with him-period-even if there is no change
To be with others, just hanging, with no agenda but being a friend
Last week another friend shared this quote from Henri Nouwen which spoke to this point
"More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them."
May I, may we, be friends with a no agenda love
Let's just be...with each other
It's the kind of movie where a spot had been touched deep inside me (similar to Rain on Me, starring Adam Sandler and Don Cheadle)
See, Downey wants to help Foxx-by changing him. He thinks he will be doing something important (only) if Foxx gets help and his life comes back to "normal", whatever that might mean
He finally concludes that the only thing Foxx really needs is a friend who will be with him-period-even if there is no change
To be with others, just hanging, with no agenda but being a friend
Last week another friend shared this quote from Henri Nouwen which spoke to this point
"More and more, the desire grows in me simply to walk around, greet people, enter their homes, sit on their doorsteps, play ball, throw water, and be known as someone who wants to live with them. It is a privilege to have the time to practice this simple ministry of presence. Still, it is not as simple as it seems. My own desire to be useful, to do something significant, or to be part of some impressive project is so strong that soon my time is taken up by meetings, conferences, study groups, and workshops that prevent me from walking the streets. It is difficult not to have plans, not to organize people around an urgent cause, and not to feel that you are working directly for social progress. But I wonder more and more if the first thing shouldn't be to know people by name, to eat and drink with them, to listen to their stories and tell your own, and to let them know with words, handshakes, and hugs that you do not simply like them, but truly love them."
May I, may we, be friends with a no agenda love
Let's just be...with each other
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Trusting who you really are
Seems there are thousands of messages evry day telling us who (they think) we are
Billboards scream our inadequacy
Commercials; well, its pretty obvious why they advertise
If we only owned this, looked like this, drove this kind of car, etc etc etc, we would be accepted and happy
If we don't know who we really are, society is more than happy to fill in the blank for us
Last year at one of our porch gatherings a friend said he is learning that "only Jesus can tells me who I really am"
After all, He is the one who claims to know us before we were born and has numbered every hair on our noggins
For the many of us who struggle with our own identity, part of it has to do with who we are listening to
Do we trust ourselves?
Do we trust our boss?
Our Family?
Our coach?
God?
If it is Jesus we should trust instead of the commercials, billboards, our supervisor or even our parents, then it may be a worthwhile exercise to see what He says in the Scriptures
So,
Who Does God Say I Am?
• I am a child of God. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name. John 1:12
• I am a branch of the true vine, and a conduit of Christ’s life. I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. John 15:1, 5
• I am a friend of Jesus. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15
• I have been justified and redeemed. Being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:24
• My old self was crucified with Christ, and I am no longer a slave to sin. Knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, that we would no longer be slaves to sin. Romans 6:6
• I will not be condemned by God. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
• I have been set free from the law of sin and death. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. Romans 8:2
• As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. Romans 8:17
• I have been accepted by Christ. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. Romans 15:7
• I have been called to be a saint. To the church of God which is at Corinth, to those who have been sanctified in Christ Jesus, saints by calling, with all who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. 1 Corinthians 1:2 (Ephesians 1:1; Philippians 1:1; Colossians 1:2)
• In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption. 1 Corinthians 1:30
• My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. Do you not know that you are a temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 1 Corinthians 6:19
• I am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him. But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 1 Corinthians 6:17
• God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ. But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. 2 Corinthians 2:14
• The hardening of my mind has been removed in Christ. But their minds were hardened; for until this very day at the reading of the old covenant the same veil remains unlifted, because it is removed in Christ. 2 Corinthians 3:14
• I am a new creature in Christ. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
• I have become the righteousness of God in Christ. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:21
• I have been made one with all who are in Christ Jesus. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28
• I am no longer a slave, but a child and an heir. Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God. Galatians 4:7
• I have been set free in Christ. It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
• I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. Ephesians 1:3
• I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God. Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. Ephesians 1:4
• I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace. Ephesians 1:7
• I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will. Ephesians 1:10-11
• I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise. Ephesians 1:13
• Because of God’s mercy and love, I have been made alive with Christ. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved). Ephesians 2:4-5
• I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:6
• I am God’s workmanship created to produce good works. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
• I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13
• I am a member of Christ’s body and a partaker of His promise. The Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel. Ephesians 3:6; 5:30
• I have boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ. In whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him. Ephesians 3:12
• My new self is righteous and holy. Put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. Ephesians 4:24
• I was formerly darkness, but now I am light in the Lord. You were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light. Ephesians 5:8
• I am a citizen of heaven. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20
• The peace of God guards my heart and mind. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
• God supplies all my needs. And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
• I have been made complete in Christ. In Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority. Colossians2:10
• I have been raised up with Christ. Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Colossians 3:1
• My life is hidden with Christ in God. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3
• Christ is my life, and I will be revealed with Him in glory. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:4
• I have been chosen of God, and I am holy and beloved. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
• God loves me and has chosen me. Knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you. 1 Thessalonians 1:4
Little different than the messages that fill our minds daily, right?
maybe it's time to listen to Him more than ....anyone or anything
Billboards scream our inadequacy
Commercials; well, its pretty obvious why they advertise
If we only owned this, looked like this, drove this kind of car, etc etc etc, we would be accepted and happy
If we don't know who we really are, society is more than happy to fill in the blank for us
Last year at one of our porch gatherings a friend said he is learning that "only Jesus can tells me who I really am"
After all, He is the one who claims to know us before we were born and has numbered every hair on our noggins
For the many of us who struggle with our own identity, part of it has to do with who we are listening to
Do we trust ourselves?
Do we trust our boss?
Our Family?
Our coach?
God?
If it is Jesus we should trust instead of the commercials, billboards, our supervisor or even our parents, then it may be a worthwhile exercise to see what He says in the Scriptures
So,
Who Does God Say I Am?
• I am a child of God. But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, even to those who believe in His name. John 1:12
• I am a branch of the true vine, and a conduit of Christ’s life. I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. John 15:1, 5
• I am a friend of Jesus. No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. John 15:15
• I have been justified and redeemed. Being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus. Romans 3:24
• My old self was crucified with Christ, and I am no longer a slave to sin. Knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, that we would no longer be slaves to sin. Romans 6:6
• I will not be condemned by God. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1
• I have been set free from the law of sin and death. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death. Romans 8:2
• As a child of God, I am a fellow heir with Christ and if children, heirs also, heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him in order that we may also be glorified with Him. Romans 8:17
• I have been accepted by Christ. Therefore, accept one another, just as Christ also accepted us to the glory of God. Romans 15:7
• I have been called to be a saint. To the church of God which is at Corinth, to those who have been sanctified in Christ Jesus, saints by calling, with all who in every place call upon the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, their Lord and ours. 1 Corinthians 1:2 (Ephesians 1:1; Philippians 1:1; Colossians 1:2)
• In Christ Jesus, I have wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, and redemption. But by His doing you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, and righteousness and sanctification, and redemption. 1 Corinthians 1:30
• My body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who dwells in me. Do you not know that you are a temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in you? 1 Corinthians 3:16 Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? 1 Corinthians 6:19
• I am joined to the Lord and am one spirit with Him. But the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. 1 Corinthians 6:17
• God leads me in the triumph and knowledge of Christ. But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place. 2 Corinthians 2:14
• The hardening of my mind has been removed in Christ. But their minds were hardened; for until this very day at the reading of the old covenant the same veil remains unlifted, because it is removed in Christ. 2 Corinthians 3:14
• I am a new creature in Christ. Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come. 2 Corinthians 5:17
• I have become the righteousness of God in Christ. He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. 2 Corinthians 5:21
• I have been made one with all who are in Christ Jesus. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus. Galatians 3:28
• I am no longer a slave, but a child and an heir. Therefore you are no longer a slave, but a son; and if a son, then an heir through God. Galatians 4:7
• I have been set free in Christ. It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
• I have been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ. Ephesians 1:3
• I am chosen, holy, and blameless before God. Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him. Ephesians 1:4
• I am redeemed and forgiven by the grace of Christ. In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace. Ephesians 1:7
• I have been predestined by God to obtain an inheritance. In Him also we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to His purpose who works all things after the counsel of His will. Ephesians 1:10-11
• I have been sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. In Him, you also, after listening to the message of truth, the gospel of your salvation—having also believed, you were sealed in Him with the Holy Spirit of promise. Ephesians 1:13
• Because of God’s mercy and love, I have been made alive with Christ. But God, being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our transgressions, made us alive together with Christ (by grace you have been saved). Ephesians 2:4-5
• I am seated in the heavenly places with Christ and raised us up with Him, and seated us with Him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:6
• I am God’s workmanship created to produce good works. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. Ephesians 2:10
• I have been brought near to God by the blood of Christ. But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. Ephesians 2:13
• I am a member of Christ’s body and a partaker of His promise. The Gentiles are fellow heirs and fellow members of the body, and fellow partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the gospel. Ephesians 3:6; 5:30
• I have boldness and confident access to God through faith in Christ. In whom we have boldness and confident access through faith in Him. Ephesians 3:12
• My new self is righteous and holy. Put on the new self, which in the likeness of God has been created in righteousness and holiness of the truth. Ephesians 4:24
• I was formerly darkness, but now I am light in the Lord. You were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of light. Ephesians 5:8
• I am a citizen of heaven. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 3:20
• The peace of God guards my heart and mind. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
• God supplies all my needs. And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19
• I have been made complete in Christ. In Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority. Colossians2:10
• I have been raised up with Christ. Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Colossians 3:1
• My life is hidden with Christ in God. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Colossians 3:3
• Christ is my life, and I will be revealed with Him in glory. When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Colossians 3:4
• I have been chosen of God, and I am holy and beloved. So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
• God loves me and has chosen me. Knowing, brethren beloved by God, His choice of you. 1 Thessalonians 1:4
Little different than the messages that fill our minds daily, right?
maybe it's time to listen to Him more than ....anyone or anything
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Simple Trust 3
The last three weeks I have boiled down this blog to one thought
I am either trusting myself
OR
I am trusting God
That is really simple trust
Am I missing anything?
I am either trusting myself
OR
I am trusting God
That is really simple trust
Am I missing anything?
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Simple Trust part 2
When I was a kid, we used to sing this song
Trust and Obey
For there's no other way
To be happy in Jesus
Than to trust and obey
Maybe you sang this one too?
When you are a child, everything seems so simple
You eat, you play, you hang around friends, your parents teach and guide you, you sleep
then,
responsibility sets in and we forget the simple part(s)
We get distracted
We lose focus
We buy into lies of what we "need"
We make it difficult on ourselves
But Jesus comes round again and again and again
Showing us the path of freedom
"be like a child," He suggests
"trust Me, obey Me," He says
"Seek God and His kingdom first and all these things-shelter, food, clothing-will be provided, " He reminds us
Can it really be that simple?
I believe it is
What do you think?
You eat, you play, you hang around friends, your parents teach and guide you, you sleep
then,
responsibility sets in and we forget the simple part(s)
We get distracted
We lose focus
We buy into lies of what we "need"
We make it difficult on ourselves
But Jesus comes round again and again and again
Showing us the path of freedom
"be like a child," He suggests
"trust Me, obey Me," He says
"Seek God and His kingdom first and all these things-shelter, food, clothing-will be provided, " He reminds us
Can it really be that simple?
I believe it is
What do you think?
Friday, March 6, 2009
Simple Trust
Last Sunday I met a new friend, Jameson
I went to pray with him and his parents
He was such a beautiful little seven month old creation of God
He lived two more days before going to be with Jesus
Deep down, my soul hurts
No one should have to go through what his parents did this past year
Some say the hardest thing in life is to outlive your children
There is a pain his parents know most of us will never ever understand
I think and pray for them
As i shared with others. there were no words available...just deep feelings
Times like this really boil a lot of life down to its essential meaning, right?
Most of our lives we are just going and going and going and rarely stop or slow down unless something major happens
But every once in a while we have to stop and think
Life is rather simple
We are born
We are given a few years of life (and pay taxes)
We die
We are reborn into eternity
We make choices
We either keep it simple or we make it complicated
We either stay focused or we get distracted
We are either honest or live in denial
We either trust God and His plan for history or we think we know better
We either listen for His voice and trust Him with our life or we trust ourselves
Is this too simple?
I met a family this week where it has to be this simple
And while they wrestle with tough questions, they are putting their trust in God
They told me, "he will either lay in our lap or in the lap of Jesus-both sound like good options for our son"
P.S. If you'd like to meet jameson, his blog is http://jtsetsma.blogspot.com/
Monday, February 23, 2009
True to Myself
Let me drop this off
One of my peeves in life is being around someone who has an agenda for me
Even though I am getting wiser, I hate myself when I let this happen
I'm not blaming others-I take responsibility
But when it begins to change me into someone/something i am not, it's hard for me to look in the mirror
I hate losing this battle
Maybe you have been there too?
Conversely, I love others who (try to) bring out the best in me
About a year ago a friend encouraged me, as I was sharing a life issue that I need to "be true to myself"
Since then, I have wrestled with these words
What this means to me is I should be who I am-with my gifts and desires and issues-and not try to be anyone else or let others make me into something I am not
This might not be your struggle or where you are...that is cool
But, maybe you are wrestling with who you are and your make up
I am getting older and have taken several personality and gifting exams, verified them with my wife, my family, and close friends who I have walked through life with over the past 15 years
I think I have a pretty accurate picture of who I am, what my gifting is, what my issues tend to be and a fundamental understanding of God's role in my life and my identity
Maybe that's why this peeve is so unsettling
Why does this happen?
Who am I really trying to fool? Or please?
God?
Myself?
My family?
My co-workers?
Others?
There is this battle inside
One I imagine that will accompany me through life
One of my peeves in life is being around someone who has an agenda for me
Even though I am getting wiser, I hate myself when I let this happen
I'm not blaming others-I take responsibility
But when it begins to change me into someone/something i am not, it's hard for me to look in the mirror
I hate losing this battle
Maybe you have been there too?
Conversely, I love others who (try to) bring out the best in me
About a year ago a friend encouraged me, as I was sharing a life issue that I need to "be true to myself"
Since then, I have wrestled with these words
What this means to me is I should be who I am-with my gifts and desires and issues-and not try to be anyone else or let others make me into something I am not
This might not be your struggle or where you are...that is cool
But, maybe you are wrestling with who you are and your make up
I am getting older and have taken several personality and gifting exams, verified them with my wife, my family, and close friends who I have walked through life with over the past 15 years
I think I have a pretty accurate picture of who I am, what my gifting is, what my issues tend to be and a fundamental understanding of God's role in my life and my identity
Maybe that's why this peeve is so unsettling
Why does this happen?
Who am I really trying to fool? Or please?
God?
Myself?
My family?
My co-workers?
Others?
There is this battle inside
One I imagine that will accompany me through life
The struggle to be true to myself and the unique way I am created versus the way I may try to fool others or let others shape me
I hope it goes without saying which way i think is right and where I am heading
Friday, February 20, 2009
family
I often use the word family when I am discussing the way relationships should work
Recently a good friend asked me to share a little more about my thoughts
Here goes
Webster offers this definition to get the discussion rolling "a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household. A group of persons of common ancestry : clan. A people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race. A group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship."
I find it more helpful to describe than define
Families have a leader or leaders, but they are to be a servant leaders, modeling the key family traits more than talking about them. Less words, more action
A leader's purpose is to help bring every other member to maturity by understanding who they are, their gifts, their issues, their bents. He/she shares the vision of loving one another
There is a relationship between every member. All are dependent in some way on each other. There is interdependence. One succeeds, all succeed
Family unity is a big thing. Perhaps the most important trait. Every member should know each other very well, closely. What are their gifts, personalities, interests, concerns and issues?
Every member has a responsibility to be reconciled with each other. The biggest impact the family will have on others is how they truly love each other-and when you are not together as friends, this love is tainted or is pretend
All families have a certain presence wherever they are-and other people observe how they get along with each other and how much they love each other. The love and friendship may be so enticing they would do anything to be a part
Families also travel and when they do, they will have a positive/negative impact on those they meet. Some would say this is like missions. The goal is not the destination, or even the place they go, it is how they are a group wherever they are. Others notice their actions and interactions way more than their words
But, what if the goal of the family was a task…any task? Think how that would change the dynamics. Getting it done would be the purpose, at whatever costs. Members may have to change who they were just to finish a task so…the parents or others would be impressed. Or what if you succeeded in your part of the task and others did not do their part, so your (hard) work failed? You might even feel the leader or parent was just using or manipulating you with some sort of agenda. At some point, would you really want to be a part of a task oriented family?
Any thoughts you have on family?
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
A moment of Trust
Several years back I was playing in a big golf tournament in Baltimore
It had been many years since I competed and was feeling the pressure of "the moment"
you know, that time when your body and mind start wondering why you put yourself in this position to begin with
general nervousness
self-doubt creeping ever closer
talking differently, or not at all
pace and speed of things are changing
breathing differently
I came to the final hole in the hunt, with a birdie I might could even get into a playoff
It had taken me a couple years to get to this point in my game
My swing had been rebuilt and I had practiced hours and hours
I sacrificed in other areas of life
And here I was...not even feeling like myself
This was a moment locked in time for me...ten years ago and it is still as clear in my mind as it was standing on that tee box
I remember the inner discussions in my brain
back and forth
Headache potential
Despite all the opportunity for fear and doubt to overtake me, I told myself out loud-yes, out loud-"what have I got to lose? You've worked hard, you've played well, just trust yourself Pete and your golf swing in this moment"
I will not live in fear and doubt this time and see what happens
I took a deep breath, went through my routine and trusted totally
Two good swings later I was on the putting surface
Two putts later I had a third place finish
We all have these moments, right?
Moments where we can choose to trust
Moments where we can live in fear and doubt
This was a good moment, a sweet memory, I latch on to as I move forward in correct self-trust
You have a story?
It had been many years since I competed and was feeling the pressure of "the moment"
you know, that time when your body and mind start wondering why you put yourself in this position to begin with
general nervousness
self-doubt creeping ever closer
talking differently, or not at all
pace and speed of things are changing
breathing differently
I came to the final hole in the hunt, with a birdie I might could even get into a playoff
It had taken me a couple years to get to this point in my game
My swing had been rebuilt and I had practiced hours and hours
I sacrificed in other areas of life
And here I was...not even feeling like myself
This was a moment locked in time for me...ten years ago and it is still as clear in my mind as it was standing on that tee box
I remember the inner discussions in my brain
back and forth
Headache potential
Despite all the opportunity for fear and doubt to overtake me, I told myself out loud-yes, out loud-"what have I got to lose? You've worked hard, you've played well, just trust yourself Pete and your golf swing in this moment"
I will not live in fear and doubt this time and see what happens
I took a deep breath, went through my routine and trusted totally
Two good swings later I was on the putting surface
Two putts later I had a third place finish
We all have these moments, right?
Moments where we can choose to trust
Moments where we can live in fear and doubt
This was a good moment, a sweet memory, I latch on to as I move forward in correct self-trust
You have a story?
Monday, February 16, 2009
Trust and Remembering
I remember years ago being in a little small group with my dad and going through a exercise which consisted of us writing down where we were and what we were doing and the issues we were dealing with...ten years ago
Another memory comes from a time maybe 25 years back when I had all kinds of unanswerable questions in the Bible and a friend encouraging me to write them inside the front cover
Years later I looked back at those questions and hardly believe I was the one who wrote them
Life seems different when you take a few minutes to remember
Soren Kierkegaard once remarked, "life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood looking back."
Today I am praying about the future for my family
I struggle with trusting God as I look forward
But if I look back, He sure has a great track record of leading, providing and surprising me
In fact, the more I look back and specifically look for God's hand in my life, the more I see His hand in almost everything
I guess I am not the first forgettor of God
I see His warnings often in the bible, especially the Old Testament, where He delivers His people with a HUGE miracle and then tells them to set up some stones and remember this day, event and place
He must know we'll forget Him
When we do remember, anxiety lessens
When I remember God, like I am doing today, I trust Him all the more
Therefore,
Looking at our past tells us a lot about who we can trust in our future
Another memory comes from a time maybe 25 years back when I had all kinds of unanswerable questions in the Bible and a friend encouraging me to write them inside the front cover
Years later I looked back at those questions and hardly believe I was the one who wrote them
Life seems different when you take a few minutes to remember
Soren Kierkegaard once remarked, "life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood looking back."
Today I am praying about the future for my family
I struggle with trusting God as I look forward
But if I look back, He sure has a great track record of leading, providing and surprising me
In fact, the more I look back and specifically look for God's hand in my life, the more I see His hand in almost everything
I guess I am not the first forgettor of God
I see His warnings often in the bible, especially the Old Testament, where He delivers His people with a HUGE miracle and then tells them to set up some stones and remember this day, event and place
He must know we'll forget Him
When we do remember, anxiety lessens
When I remember God, like I am doing today, I trust Him all the more
Therefore,
Looking at our past tells us a lot about who we can trust in our future
Thursday, February 12, 2009
First Trust
Even though it’s been almost twenty five years, I remember the day very well
The day I asked my girlfriends father for his blessing to marry her
I had sat through most of the lunch at Shakey’s pizza parlor sweating hard
I knew once my question was “out there” the return fire would begin
“How will you support her?”
“Where will you live?”
“What is your job?”
“What are….
Questions I knew I could never really fully answer in one setting
Questions that I did not have the (adequate) answers for anyway
Questions that I would not anticipate
There was a deeper question anyway
One that a close friend had shared would need to be dealt with first
So, when the return questions began, I asked my future father in law, “do you trust me with your daughter?”
There was a short moment of silence
There was a smile that said “welcome to the family”
Yes, we trust you with our daughter
I was in the circle of trust
I had been found trustworthy
I had earned their trust and I celebrated-inside especially
The other questions found their appropriate place and time
Trust takes time
But it sure is worth it
Twenty five years now, and he still trusts me with her
The day I asked my girlfriends father for his blessing to marry her
I had sat through most of the lunch at Shakey’s pizza parlor sweating hard
I knew once my question was “out there” the return fire would begin
“How will you support her?”
“Where will you live?”
“What is your job?”
“What are….
Questions I knew I could never really fully answer in one setting
Questions that I did not have the (adequate) answers for anyway
Questions that I would not anticipate
There was a deeper question anyway
One that a close friend had shared would need to be dealt with first
So, when the return questions began, I asked my future father in law, “do you trust me with your daughter?”
There was a short moment of silence
There was a smile that said “welcome to the family”
Yes, we trust you with our daughter
I was in the circle of trust
I had been found trustworthy
I had earned their trust and I celebrated-inside especially
The other questions found their appropriate place and time
Trust takes time
But it sure is worth it
Twenty five years now, and he still trusts me with her
Monday, February 9, 2009
The Rod of Trust
This past summer I had this great day and experience.
Have I mentioned my fear of falling? Of Heights?
On our trip out west, our family took a day hike to beautiful Sawtooth Lake just outside Stanley, Idaho.
I did mention my fear, right?
On the way up the mountain, my dad suggested each of us to look for a hiking stick that would help us along the way
I found this beautiful five foot branch that was light but strong and very straight. It had almost a natural handle at the four foot mark that my hand fit into perfectly. I even managed to whittle off a few protruding pieces to make it smooth
At mile three my dad pulled me aside and told me to bring up the rear in case anyone had trouble on the upcoming ledge drop offs and switchbacks
My heart switched into an new level of anxiety.My knees get wobbly just thinking about steep drop offs at certain heights.My mind recalled that I had been through worse before, plus I had this rod in my hand to steady me through the climb ahead
For the next 20 or so minutes that rod would find a firm spot on the trail to steady me
This rod and I developed a serious trust relationship during these minutes that lasted throughout the hike
As we approached the end of the journey later in the day, I thought about this piece of wood in which I had placed my trust. It may sound a little silly, but that rod gave me confidence to finish the course
Perhaps I may have thought differently if the stick would have broken and I had tumbled off the edge!
Makes me think about things I sort of implicitly trust on a regular basis that affect my life:
like when an airplane takes off and I trust my life to a pilot who may be having a bad day
Like when I take a sharp turn in my car and trust that my axle or tires do not break
That a driver in an oncoming car on a two lane highway does not fall asleep and cross the line in to my lane
And so on…
I realize I can live life with a multitude of fears and miss one the most beautiful places on earth at Sawtooth Lake
Not get in my car
Not get on the plane
Not drive on the windy roads to get to Idaho
Life requires trust
There is a kind of trust we have in others and things like a stick that require some wisdom
Then there is a trust, an unconditional trust, that I must have in God
As David says in Psalm 23-God is with me and that His rod and staff will comfort me
I will put my trust in Him
He cares for me
Life happens
Sometimes it starts with picking up a stick
Have I mentioned my fear of falling? Of Heights?
On our trip out west, our family took a day hike to beautiful Sawtooth Lake just outside Stanley, Idaho.
I did mention my fear, right?
On the way up the mountain, my dad suggested each of us to look for a hiking stick that would help us along the way
I found this beautiful five foot branch that was light but strong and very straight. It had almost a natural handle at the four foot mark that my hand fit into perfectly. I even managed to whittle off a few protruding pieces to make it smooth
At mile three my dad pulled me aside and told me to bring up the rear in case anyone had trouble on the upcoming ledge drop offs and switchbacks
My heart switched into an new level of anxiety.My knees get wobbly just thinking about steep drop offs at certain heights.My mind recalled that I had been through worse before, plus I had this rod in my hand to steady me through the climb ahead
For the next 20 or so minutes that rod would find a firm spot on the trail to steady me
This rod and I developed a serious trust relationship during these minutes that lasted throughout the hike
As we approached the end of the journey later in the day, I thought about this piece of wood in which I had placed my trust. It may sound a little silly, but that rod gave me confidence to finish the course
Perhaps I may have thought differently if the stick would have broken and I had tumbled off the edge!
Makes me think about things I sort of implicitly trust on a regular basis that affect my life:
like when an airplane takes off and I trust my life to a pilot who may be having a bad day
Like when I take a sharp turn in my car and trust that my axle or tires do not break
That a driver in an oncoming car on a two lane highway does not fall asleep and cross the line in to my lane
And so on…
I realize I can live life with a multitude of fears and miss one the most beautiful places on earth at Sawtooth Lake
Not get in my car
Not get on the plane
Not drive on the windy roads to get to Idaho
Life requires trust
There is a kind of trust we have in others and things like a stick that require some wisdom
Then there is a trust, an unconditional trust, that I must have in God
As David says in Psalm 23-God is with me and that His rod and staff will comfort me
I will put my trust in Him
He cares for me
Life happens
Sometimes it starts with picking up a stick
TrustWorthy start
‘Jim,’ a vendor in New York City, set up shop and sold donuts and coffee to passerby as they went in and out of their office buildings.
During the breakfast and lunch hours, Jim always had long lines of customers waiting. He noticed that the wait time discouraged many customers who left and went elsewhere. He also noticed that, as he was a one-man show, the biggest bottleneck preventing him from selling more donuts and coffee was the disproportionate amount of time it took to make change for his customers.
Finally, Jim simply put a small basket on the side of his stand filled with dollar bills and coins, trusting his customers to make their own change.
Now you might think that customers would accidentally count wrong or intentionally take extra quarters form the basket, but what Jim found was the opposite:
Most customers responded by being completely honest, often leaving him larger-than-normal tips.
Also, he was able to move customers through at twice the pace because he didn’t have to make change.
In addition, he found that his customers liked being trusted and kept coming back. By extending trust in this way, Jim was able to double his revenues without adding any new cost.
Q. When you are trusted, it makes a difference, doesn't it?
Don't you love being trusted?
This story was taken from The Speed of Trust by Steven Covey.
During the breakfast and lunch hours, Jim always had long lines of customers waiting. He noticed that the wait time discouraged many customers who left and went elsewhere. He also noticed that, as he was a one-man show, the biggest bottleneck preventing him from selling more donuts and coffee was the disproportionate amount of time it took to make change for his customers.
Finally, Jim simply put a small basket on the side of his stand filled with dollar bills and coins, trusting his customers to make their own change.
Now you might think that customers would accidentally count wrong or intentionally take extra quarters form the basket, but what Jim found was the opposite:
Most customers responded by being completely honest, often leaving him larger-than-normal tips.
Also, he was able to move customers through at twice the pace because he didn’t have to make change.
In addition, he found that his customers liked being trusted and kept coming back. By extending trust in this way, Jim was able to double his revenues without adding any new cost.
Q. When you are trusted, it makes a difference, doesn't it?
Don't you love being trusted?
This story was taken from The Speed of Trust by Steven Covey.
Friday, February 6, 2009
TrustWorthy?
Gonna unload a big one this morning
Like to discuss what it means to be trust-worthy?
Several times over the years during discussions with others desiring to develop friends in their lives questions arise
Tough questions-but worth exploring
Maybe I am missing a few?
Join the conversation, Post away!
Like to discuss what it means to be trust-worthy?
Several times over the years during discussions with others desiring to develop friends in their lives questions arise
"Am I friend worthy?”
“What am I doing to make myself friend worthy?”
Trust moves the same way
Maybe there is a reason we have few relationships with a deep level of trust
Trust moves the same way
Maybe there is a reason we have few relationships with a deep level of trust
Maybe there is a reason others do not trust me
You willing to look in the mirror with this question---Am I trust worthy?
Yup?
Start here
With me…
Have I proved myself to be a person who can be trusted over the years?
Do I share stuff that has been entrusted to me?
When I look in my rear view mirror of my relational life, what does the wake look like?
Is it a mess or smooth?
Am I secure with who I am, no matter what others say?
Have I taken the initiative towards forgiveness when it was called for?
Is there something in my past that is hindering me from being a more trusting individual?
With others…
Is it easy for me to trust others?
If not, why do you think it is this way?
Have I given others a second chance when they screwed up?
Have I trusted too much?
In the future…
What choices do I need to make today to be a person others can trust?
Do I really want others to trust me? How bad do I want it? Enough to change?
What kind of trust legacy am I leaving if today was my last day on earth?
You willing to look in the mirror with this question---Am I trust worthy?
Yup?
Start here
With me…
Have I proved myself to be a person who can be trusted over the years?
Do I share stuff that has been entrusted to me?
When I look in my rear view mirror of my relational life, what does the wake look like?
Is it a mess or smooth?
Am I secure with who I am, no matter what others say?
Have I taken the initiative towards forgiveness when it was called for?
Is there something in my past that is hindering me from being a more trusting individual?
With others…
Is it easy for me to trust others?
If not, why do you think it is this way?
Have I given others a second chance when they screwed up?
Have I trusted too much?
In the future…
What choices do I need to make today to be a person others can trust?
Do I really want others to trust me? How bad do I want it? Enough to change?
What kind of trust legacy am I leaving if today was my last day on earth?
Tough questions-but worth exploring
Maybe I am missing a few?
Join the conversation, Post away!
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Tears of trust
A few days ago I had one of those cries...not the kind you get when your teams wins a game or when a movie turns your inside out or even when you break a bone
This was a deep, guttural cry
The kind you can't stop once it starts
The kind where you lose your breath and your body trembles
The kind where you are not in control
I was low. Real low
I later described this time to a friend as the low point in my parenting career
I had appealed to one of my children in every way possible they were making what i knew would be a big mistake in their life
I appealed to reason
I appealed to my history of helping them through decisions
I appealed to the Scriptures
I appealed to his peers and others he respected
and
i was rejected
i was told, "I understand, but I am going to do it anyway."
Trust was gone
Trust I had worked for many years
And I cried and cried and cried into exhaustion I went
Nobody knew him better, and yet he did not trust me
and I knew it might cost him dearly
It made me wonder...
Does God cry like that for me?
Who knows me better?
Who loves me more?
Who instructs me in a life of joy?
Yet
Do I follow Him in this way?
Do I do it my way?
Do I listen to Him since He knows best?
Does He cry like this for me?
This was a deep, guttural cry
The kind you can't stop once it starts
The kind where you lose your breath and your body trembles
The kind where you are not in control
I was low. Real low
I later described this time to a friend as the low point in my parenting career
I had appealed to one of my children in every way possible they were making what i knew would be a big mistake in their life
I appealed to reason
I appealed to my history of helping them through decisions
I appealed to the Scriptures
I appealed to his peers and others he respected
and
i was rejected
i was told, "I understand, but I am going to do it anyway."
Trust was gone
Trust I had worked for many years
And I cried and cried and cried into exhaustion I went
Nobody knew him better, and yet he did not trust me
and I knew it might cost him dearly
It made me wonder...
Does God cry like that for me?
Who knows me better?
Who loves me more?
Who instructs me in a life of joy?
Yet
Do I follow Him in this way?
Do I do it my way?
Do I listen to Him since He knows best?
Does He cry like this for me?
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Why trust?
I have been pondering this question-Why trust?
Why even pursue trust?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this question
As I think out loud, one word comes screaming out
Intimacy
Deep, deep down, who does not long to be truly known at the deepest level?
Think about it
Honestly
Words like loneliness or isolation or alienation are the opposite of intimacy
Who desires that?
Is trust worth pursuing?
Sure, but...
Maybe your paralyzed by fear to take a first step or...maybe you took that step
Maybe you've been burned before when you've let your guard down
You've been laughed at because you were honest
You took a step and were rejected
You thought he was the one and told all and now he is gone and you wonder about all you have given away
etc. etc.
fill in the blank, right?
Maybe you have been shut down for so long you cannot even see the light anymore
Wherever you are, I hope you'll consider pursuing intimacy...taking a step...entering the conversation...
Having it out with God
Writing a letter that will not get posted
Posting anonymously
Reading a book...or The Book
Is trust worth pursuing?
You tell me
Why even pursue trust?
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this question
As I think out loud, one word comes screaming out
Intimacy
Deep, deep down, who does not long to be truly known at the deepest level?
Think about it
Honestly
Words like loneliness or isolation or alienation are the opposite of intimacy
Who desires that?
Is trust worth pursuing?
Sure, but...
Maybe your paralyzed by fear to take a first step or...maybe you took that step
Maybe you've been burned before when you've let your guard down
You've been laughed at because you were honest
You took a step and were rejected
You thought he was the one and told all and now he is gone and you wonder about all you have given away
etc. etc.
fill in the blank, right?
Maybe you have been shut down for so long you cannot even see the light anymore
Wherever you are, I hope you'll consider pursuing intimacy...taking a step...entering the conversation...
Having it out with God
Writing a letter that will not get posted
Posting anonymously
Reading a book...or The Book
Is trust worth pursuing?
You tell me
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
What is...trust?
I guess if we are going to discuss developing trust in our lives we better get in the ballpark on some type of a definition
Since this is an open discussion, let me throw one thought in the mix before digging into dictionaries and thesauruses which is this: The intention of this conversation (blog) is to focus on two specific relationships--with God and with each other
There is freedom here to discuss either or both...just jump on in
In doing my homework I, of course, began with Mr. Webster who defines trust this way: "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, of truth of someone or something.
"Going a little further, "a firm belief in the integrity, ability, effectiveness, or genuineness of someone or something."
In the Scriptures truth carries the idea of "certainty based on past experience...the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others...or complete confidence in a person or plan."
Words for this discussion would include not only those above but also: acceptance, confidence, credence, faith, stock, assurance, dependence...the opposite would include doubt, mistrust (of course!), skepticism, suspicion, unbelief
For the purpose of our future discussions, I suggest we give weight to words like belief, confidence, and genuineness
These words will give us a basis to discuss not only what trust is but ultimately to the question of this blog-what are the roads that lead us into and out of trusting relationships?
Since this is an open discussion, let me throw one thought in the mix before digging into dictionaries and thesauruses which is this: The intention of this conversation (blog) is to focus on two specific relationships--with God and with each other
There is freedom here to discuss either or both...just jump on in
In doing my homework I, of course, began with Mr. Webster who defines trust this way: "assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, of truth of someone or something.
"Going a little further, "a firm belief in the integrity, ability, effectiveness, or genuineness of someone or something."
In the Scriptures truth carries the idea of "certainty based on past experience...the trait of believing in the honesty and reliability of others...or complete confidence in a person or plan."
Words for this discussion would include not only those above but also: acceptance, confidence, credence, faith, stock, assurance, dependence...the opposite would include doubt, mistrust (of course!), skepticism, suspicion, unbelief
For the purpose of our future discussions, I suggest we give weight to words like belief, confidence, and genuineness
These words will give us a basis to discuss not only what trust is but ultimately to the question of this blog-what are the roads that lead us into and out of trusting relationships?
Monday, January 26, 2009
Risky Beginnings
Guess a blog on discussing trust should start with the question, "where does trust begin?"
Been thinking a lot on this question
I'll throw out a word-Risk
What do you think?
Is this where is begins?
Is it possible to have a trusting relationship without a step forward?
A risky step
My life experience tells me this-risk-is what often hinders many from deeper intimacy in relationships
Maybe you've been burned before
Maybe you never have been
Maybe you need to step back into the game
This last week I reread the story of Abraham in the Scriptures. One day God called and asked him to leave his home, his people, his life of security for the hope of a promise
Basically, "go" and I will be with you
The more I think about his story, the more I admire his courage to obey
To go
To leave
To be available
Not knowing where God was leading him
Yet he followed, he listened, he obeyed, he went
Today he is admired by followers of Judaism, Jesus and Islam as perhaps the model of what a man of faith looks like
Yet, he could have stayed home
He risked, he trusted, he reaped the reward to now be called, "a friend of God"
Trust begins with risk
Is there a risk you need to take?
Been thinking a lot on this question
I'll throw out a word-Risk
What do you think?
Is this where is begins?
Is it possible to have a trusting relationship without a step forward?
A risky step
My life experience tells me this-risk-is what often hinders many from deeper intimacy in relationships
Maybe you've been burned before
Maybe you never have been
Maybe you need to step back into the game
This last week I reread the story of Abraham in the Scriptures. One day God called and asked him to leave his home, his people, his life of security for the hope of a promise
Basically, "go" and I will be with you
The more I think about his story, the more I admire his courage to obey
To go
To leave
To be available
Not knowing where God was leading him
Yet he followed, he listened, he obeyed, he went
Today he is admired by followers of Judaism, Jesus and Islam as perhaps the model of what a man of faith looks like
Yet, he could have stayed home
He risked, he trusted, he reaped the reward to now be called, "a friend of God"
Trust begins with risk
Is there a risk you need to take?
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