True to Myself

Let me drop this off

One of my peeves in life is being around someone who has an agenda for me

Even though I am getting wiser, I hate myself when I let this happen

I'm not blaming others-I take responsibility

But when it begins to change me into someone/something i am not, it's hard for me to look in the mirror

I hate losing this battle

Maybe you have been there too?

Conversely, I love others who (try to) bring out the best in me

About a year ago a friend encouraged me, as I was sharing a life issue that I need to "be true to myself"

Since then, I have wrestled with these words

What this means to me is I should be who I am-with my gifts and desires and issues-and not try to be anyone else or let others make me into something I am not

This might not be your struggle or where you are...that is cool

But, maybe you are wrestling with who you are and your make up

I am getting older and have taken several personality and gifting exams, verified them with my wife, my family, and close friends who I have walked through life with over the past 15 years

I think I have a pretty accurate picture of who I am, what my gifting is, what my issues tend to be and a fundamental understanding of God's role in my life and my identity

Maybe that's why this peeve is so unsettling

Why does this happen?

Who am I really trying to fool? Or please?

God?
Myself?
My family?
My co-workers?
Others?

There is this battle inside

One I imagine that will accompany me through life

The struggle to be true to myself and the unique way I am created versus the way I may try to fool others or let others shape me

I hope it goes without saying which way i think is right and where I am heading

family

I often use the word family when I am discussing the way relationships should work

Recently a good friend asked me to share a little more about my thoughts

Here goes

Webster offers this definition to get the discussion rolling "a group of individuals living under one roof and usually under one head : household. A group of persons of common ancestry : clan. A people or group of peoples regarded as deriving from a common stock : race. A group of people united by certain convictions or a common affiliation : fellowship."

I find it more helpful to describe than define

Families have a leader or leaders, but they are to be a servant leaders, modeling the key family traits more than talking about them. Less words, more action

A leader's purpose is to help bring every other member to maturity by understanding who they are, their gifts, their issues, their bents. He/she shares the vision of loving one another

There is a relationship between every member. All are dependent in some way on each other. There is interdependence. One succeeds, all succeed

Family unity is a big thing. Perhaps the most important trait. Every member should know each other very well, closely. What are their gifts, personalities, interests, concerns and issues?

Every member has a responsibility to be reconciled with each other. The biggest impact the family will have on others is how they truly love each other-and when you are not together as friends, this love is tainted or is pretend

All families have a certain presence wherever they are-and other people observe how they get along with each other and how much they love each other. The love and friendship may be so enticing they would do anything to be a part

Families also travel and when they do, they will have a positive/negative impact on those they meet. Some would say this is like missions. The goal is not the destination, or even the place they go, it is how they are a group wherever they are. Others notice their actions and interactions way more than their words

But, what if the goal of the family was a task…any task? Think how that would change the dynamics. Getting it done would be the purpose, at whatever costs. Members may have to change who they were just to finish a task so…the parents or others would be impressed. Or what if you succeeded in your part of the task and others did not do their part, so your (hard) work failed? You might even feel the leader or parent was just using or manipulating you with some sort of agenda. At some point, would you really want to be a part of a task oriented family?

Any thoughts you have on family?

A moment of Trust

Several years back I was playing in a big golf tournament in Baltimore

It had been many years since I competed and was feeling the pressure of "the moment"

you know, that time when your body and mind start wondering why you put yourself in this position to begin with

general nervousness
self-doubt creeping ever closer
talking differently, or not at all
pace and speed of things are changing
breathing differently

I came to the final hole in the hunt, with a birdie I might could even get into a playoff

It had taken me a couple years to get to this point in my game

My swing had been rebuilt and I had practiced hours and hours

I sacrificed in other areas of life

And here I was...not even feeling like myself

This was a moment locked in time for me...ten years ago and it is still as clear in my mind as it was standing on that tee box

I remember the inner discussions in my brain

back and forth

Headache potential

Despite all the opportunity for fear and doubt to overtake me, I told myself out loud-yes, out loud-"what have I got to lose? You've worked hard, you've played well, just trust yourself Pete and your golf swing in this moment"

I will not live in fear and doubt this time and see what happens

I took a deep breath, went through my routine and trusted totally

Two good swings later I was on the putting surface

Two putts later I had a third place finish

We all have these moments, right?

Moments where we can choose to trust

Moments where we can live in fear and doubt

This was a good moment, a sweet memory, I latch on to as I move forward in correct self-trust

You have a story?

Trust and Remembering

I remember years ago being in a little small group with my dad and going through a exercise which consisted of us writing down where we were and what we were doing and the issues we were dealing with...ten years ago

Another memory comes from a time maybe 25 years back when I had all kinds of unanswerable questions in the Bible and a friend encouraging me to write them inside the front cover

Years later I looked back at those questions and hardly believe I was the one who wrote them

Life seems different when you take a few minutes to remember

Soren Kierkegaard once remarked, "life must be lived forward, but it can only be understood looking back."

Today I am praying about the future for my family

I struggle with trusting God as I look forward

But if I look back, He sure has a great track record of leading, providing and surprising me

In fact, the more I look back and specifically look for God's hand in my life, the more I see His hand in almost everything

I guess I am not the first forgettor of God

I see His warnings often in the bible, especially the Old Testament, where He delivers His people with a HUGE miracle and then tells them to set up some stones and remember this day, event and place

He must know we'll forget Him

When we do remember, anxiety lessens

When I remember God, like I am doing today, I trust Him all the more

Therefore,

Looking at our past tells us a lot about who we can trust in our future

First Trust

Even though it’s been almost twenty five years, I remember the day very well

The day I asked my girlfriends father for his blessing to marry her

I had sat through most of the lunch at Shakey’s pizza parlor sweating hard

I knew once my question was “out there” the return fire would begin

“How will you support her?”
“Where will you live?”
“What is your job?”
“What are….

Questions I knew I could never really fully answer in one setting

Questions that I did not have the (adequate) answers for anyway

Questions that I would not anticipate

There was a deeper question anyway

One that a close friend had shared would need to be dealt with first

So, when the return questions began, I asked my future father in law, “do you trust me with your daughter?”

There was a short moment of silence

There was a smile that said “welcome to the family”

Yes, we trust you with our daughter

I was in the circle of trust

I had been found trustworthy

I had earned their trust and I celebrated-inside especially

The other questions found their appropriate place and time

Trust takes time

But it sure is worth it

Twenty five years now, and he still trusts me with her

The Rod of Trust

This past summer I had this great day and experience.

Have I mentioned my fear of falling? Of Heights?

On our trip out west, our family took a day hike to beautiful Sawtooth Lake just outside Stanley, Idaho.

I did mention my fear, right?

On the way up the mountain, my dad suggested each of us to look for a hiking stick that would help us along the way

I found this beautiful five foot branch that was light but strong and very straight. It had almost a natural handle at the four foot mark that my hand fit into perfectly. I even managed to whittle off a few protruding pieces to make it smooth

At mile three my dad pulled me aside and told me to bring up the rear in case anyone had trouble on the upcoming ledge drop offs and switchbacks

My heart switched into an new level of anxiety.My knees get wobbly just thinking about steep drop offs at certain heights.My mind recalled that I had been through worse before, plus I had this rod in my hand to steady me through the climb ahead

For the next 20 or so minutes that rod would find a firm spot on the trail to steady me

This rod and I developed a serious trust relationship during these minutes that lasted throughout the hike

As we approached the end of the journey later in the day, I thought about this piece of wood in which I had placed my trust. It may sound a little silly, but that rod gave me confidence to finish the course

Perhaps I may have thought differently if the stick would have broken and I had tumbled off the edge!

Makes me think about things I sort of implicitly trust on a regular basis that affect my life:

like when an airplane takes off and I trust my life to a pilot who may be having a bad day
Like when I take a sharp turn in my car and trust that my axle or tires do not break
That a driver in an oncoming car on a two lane highway does not fall asleep and cross the line in to my lane
And so on…

I realize I can live life with a multitude of fears and miss one the most beautiful places on earth at Sawtooth Lake

Not get in my car
Not get on the plane
Not drive on the windy roads to get to Idaho

Life requires trust

There is a kind of trust we have in others and things like a stick that require some wisdom

Then there is a trust, an unconditional trust, that I must have in God

As David says in Psalm 23-God is with me and that His rod and staff will comfort me

I will put my trust in Him

He cares for me

Life happens

Sometimes it starts with picking up a stick

TrustWorthy start

‘Jim,’ a vendor in New York City, set up shop and sold donuts and coffee to passerby as they went in and out of their office buildings.

During the breakfast and lunch hours, Jim always had long lines of customers waiting. He noticed that the wait time discouraged many customers who left and went elsewhere. He also noticed that, as he was a one-man show, the biggest bottleneck preventing him from selling more donuts and coffee was the disproportionate amount of time it took to make change for his customers.

Finally, Jim simply put a small basket on the side of his stand filled with dollar bills and coins, trusting his customers to make their own change.

Now you might think that customers would accidentally count wrong or intentionally take extra quarters form the basket, but what Jim found was the opposite:

Most customers responded by being completely honest, often leaving him larger-than-normal tips.

Also, he was able to move customers through at twice the pace because he didn’t have to make change.

In addition, he found that his customers liked being trusted and kept coming back. By extending trust in this way, Jim was able to double his revenues without adding any new cost.

Q. When you are trusted, it makes a difference, doesn't it?
Don't you love being trusted?

This story was taken from The Speed of Trust by Steven Covey.

TrustWorthy?

Gonna unload a big one this morning

Like to discuss what it means to be trust-worthy?

Several times over the years during discussions with others desiring to develop friends in their lives questions arise

"Am I friend worthy?”

“What am I doing to make myself friend worthy?”

Trust moves the same way

Maybe there is a reason we have few relationships with a deep level of trust

Maybe there is a reason others do not trust me

You willing to look in the mirror with this question---Am I trust worthy?

Yup?

Start here

With me…

Have I proved myself to be a person who can be trusted over the years?
Do I share stuff that has been entrusted to me?
When I look in my rear view mirror of my relational life, what does the wake look like?
Is it a mess or smooth?
Am I secure with who I am, no matter what others say?
Have I taken the initiative towards forgiveness when it was called for?
Is there something in my past that is hindering me from being a more trusting individual?

With others…

Is it easy for me to trust others?
If not, why do you think it is this way?
Have I given others a second chance when they screwed up?
Have I trusted too much?

In the future…

What choices do I need to make today to be a person others can trust?
Do I really want others to trust me? How bad do I want it? Enough to change?
What kind of trust legacy am I leaving if today was my last day on earth?

Tough questions-but worth exploring

Maybe I am missing a few?

Join the conversation, Post away!